I never had the most dreamy dreams, my dreams have always been one very weird episode in itself but off late I have been having some very dark dreams. I usually don't remember them in the morning but I can feel that something is not right. That's also exactly how I have been feeling about myself too. That something is not right, something has changed very drastically, I can sense it but can't really pinpoint when it changed but all I can feel is very annoyed about it.
I recently went for a vacation and all I wanted was to come back and jump into projects and work but here I am 3 days post my return, and it seems like I have not stepped out of my room ever.
But in these 3 days, whatever little work I have done, I have at least figured out what went wrong. Somehow, how and why remains unanswered but till the time I know what needs to be done to feel like myself, I'll get things done.
If you have known me for years, maybe you can actually point out what is missing. But what I have figured out is that I have started living for validation, validation from others. This was one thing I never needed because maybe I was confident enough or badass enough to not care what people thought.
I always had an attitude of getting things done, whether work vise or self-improvement vise but now procrastination has taken over.
And a lot more stuff. But you know what, one thing that hasn't changed is my will to mold things according to me, my will of proving people wrong and maybe my ability to work hard.
So, maybe I will take days off till the end of the week, make plans, motivate myself, re-charge myself to jump in the game again.
Maybe I'll isolate myself so that I can focus only on me.
But as long as these short term setbacks help me in my long-term goals, I am fine with it.
And if you are sailing in the same boat, let's conquer the world one day at a time.
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